Today, July 9, 2015 … the reality of losing my littles has really been hitting me hard. Max, I bought the first items for your SECOND birthday! How did the time pass so quickly?
TOnight I came home from picking the kids up at VBS and little Max was woken up by Finn who walked in his room. He stood in his little crib, arms up saying "mommy, mommy, mommy". I left my brand new vitamix aside and scooped his little body up in my arms. How perfect it was. His little head resting on my shoulder, arms, tightly clinging around my neck. I cried. Oh how I cried. How many more times will I be so blessed to have those little arms clinging tightly to me. I didn't want to put him down, it could be the very last time he ever wants me so desperately. Oh sweet baby boy. Today you started saying "love you" back … except it sounds like a "wa hoo." So ridiculously sweet and innocent. Other max'sms I want to remember? Poo daddy. <3 love, love, love poo daddy. Happy Moose. I am Moose! Mommy up! Mommy Up! Soon! Wa hoooo.
On the way to VBS this week, my sweet older kids. There was a conversation that went something like this :
Me: Finn what sport do you choose?
Finn: Baseball.
D: You don't want to do football like daddy?
FInn: No, I don't want to get hurt.
D: Getting hurt is manly. You're afraid to be a man?
Finn: No, I just don't want to get hurt like daddy. Remember falling and scraping your knee and elbow (July 4) ? I don't want to cry like you did.
Finn, you have the most enormous heart of any little boy I've ever met. Don't ever change, be exactly who you are. I know it might be lonely growing up - you inherited my personality, you poor thing. Stay true to who you are and you will persevere. You are my little fighter, and I love you so so much. From the moment you pulled through your pneumonia … you have been the warrior in our family. God bless you baby boy … I love you so much.
Danika, my love. You so desperately want to be "big". You try so hard to do big girl things and get so frustrated by the limitations - both that come with still being little, and the ones from me. You write little notes to me and pretend someone left them int he mailbox. I will forever and ever treasure those little slips of paper. The little drawings of you and me, and the small "I love you" hidden somewhere inside. You, my love, are a great kid. I love every last thing about you, even those that frustrate the crap out of me.
My sweet babies. I so desperately love you. And I fail so often at being great mom. I'm not perfect, I try hard. I'm sorry I don't know how to play. I know how to teach and sometimes put that on you to be perfect. And you are … each in your own little way. No, not like Jesus … but perfect the way Jesus made you. I love looking into your little faces and adoring the little person has created you to be. You are so perfect,so beautiful and so very, very loved.
With hugs and kisses forever, Mommy. <3 <3 <3
