Forever

 My sweet babies ...

This has been a really rough week for us - we've had many fights, many struggles, many tears for all 3 of us.

I had a fear tonight that God forbid anything should happen to me, that this is how you will remember us. I fear you will remember me as angry, tired, grouchy, grumpy, mean. When I yell at you, I see fear in your eyes and I hate it. I hate it. Because I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you, ever. ever ever ever. And I fear that that is what you will remember. A mommy ou are afraid of.

Finn, last night you woke up in a soaking wet bed, bawling. I felt for the first time in a long time, like a good mommy when I gave you a snack, and pulled you out of bed, loved on you, gave you clean sheets, a fresh diaper, and then kissed your Mcqueen-covered booboo on your toe. You gave me the best hugs and kisses! It was perfect. THAT is what i want you to remember - a mommy who loves and nurtures you. Your mommy, little finn, loves you more than life itself. You are my smile in my tears, my gentle reminder of just how sweet life is.

Danika I see your little eyes searching for acceptance from me. I hate that you doubt it. I want you to know every day of your little life that your mommy loves and adores everything about you, even your stubbornness, and strong will. You- my love - are the light of my life ... my sunshine, my rainbow, my smile.

My little Max, God forbid there be a day when I don't get to hold you. From day 1 I can feel just how special you are, and how incredibly blessed that you get to be a part of our family. I love you, so much, and can't wait to meet you.

My babies - I may not be able to show it in the right ways right now, but you are my my heart and soul, my smile, my tears, ym pride, my joy, my strength, my everything. I love you love fou love you and cannot ever show you just how much. I am yours forever and ever and ever.

Love mommy <3