That Look :(

My Finn ,

Today was one of our first "bad" days and I am awake at 1:30am reeling in my own guilt. I screamed. ALL DAY. today. I spanked you. ALOT. My last straw was when you threw a piece of chalk. I grabbed your little face and I SCREAMED in it.

Oh Finn, the look on your face. The look of sadness, of disappointment in me and yourself. I will never forget your "ohhhh :*( " response. Oh how it broke my heart, because I broke yours. I don't EVER want to repeat that.

My Finn, you are the most kind hearted gentle little boy in the entire world, and I am destroying your little spirit. God, you have GOT to take this anger away - PLEASE! PLEEEEASE! I am begging you. I am destroying my kids, and my relationship with them. And Iam watching myself do it in slow motion. PLEASE take my anger away. Give me back my joy and peace. Help me to enjoy being a mother and treasure these sweet little faces and hearts. Help me to teach them how to love you. I cannot keep doing this to my kids and myself. I AM BEGGING YOU GOD! PLEASE! LISTEN AND HELP ME! PLEAAAASE!